magical.feelings

2011.

2011-10-09T21:39:00.008+08:00

Oh yes, typing this in 2011! It has indeed been a roller coaster ride for me. Looking back at all these ehem childish posts since 2006, there have been good and bad memories. But, they are so precious that if I could live my life over again, I wouldn't change a single thing. Well, maybe some but majority I would still keep it! Anyway, I've turned boring. Maybe I should go out and make some ah-lian friends. JUST/JK.

Nothing seemed to be the same anymore. Well, changes are inevitable and growing up is part of accepting the fact that people moves on. You can change nobody, neither nor anyone can change you. It's like a blink of an eye. Everyone is in a different place right now.

There are so many changes, that I don't even know if I am part of it.
There's this song that goes, 'Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same...'.

Throughout the years, I find myself becoming more and more indigenous. I don't belong anywhere. I've moved out of somewhere, yet I can't find an identity about who I am, and how people perceive me as who I am. I'm so afraid to speak my mind. I'm so inferior about myself. It seemed that in university, everybody strives to be the most excellent. I'd never thought myself to be where I am today. And now that I am somewhere, I don't feel happy. I am suppose to be happy, because I am at the top of hierarchy of this education system. But I don't even know what I want in life. I'm just aimlessly striving, trying at something I'm not good at. Now that I'm here, I'm again at a loss at what to do. I'm really frustrated with myself, what I'm doing. Every single day, I pray I could be doing something different, but I'm not. Because of all these surrounding problem, it gets really lonely, and I'm not even eager to meet new people, make new friends. I find myself with no hobby and everything. No cca, no friends, lousy cap... Everybody's hanging out with their new friends, but I have none. All my old friends have gotten on and proceed with their own life. And there's me hanging down there, doing the same old things, alone. I eat alone, read books alone, etc... Feeling really lonely. My phone doesn't even vibrates anymore. If necessary, it would be for a purpose. Nobody really cares that much. Maybe, we only need a few to make us whole. Appreciate those that comes along, and be thankful towards those that left. Maybe, I've been trying so hard to prove myself, to try to be different. In the end, it all blows out.

Eating old grass.

2010-11-21T01:38:00.000+08:00

Change back to blogger???

2009-11-11T22:31:00.003+08:00

I've changed my blog to ...

http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/
http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/
http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/
http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/
http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/
http://stay-insouciant.tumblr.com/

500 DAYS OF SUMMER!

2009-11-08T16:15:00.005+08:00

Oh yes! Sinren and I went to watch the 500 Days Of Summer! We took MANY MANY MANY photos! :) It was sooo FUN! :D Well, we went to Centrepoint?, not sure but it seemed pretty empty! So I loved it! Then we went over to OC! =P FUN!!! I loved the art pieces there! And there's not even a single patrons within 100 miles! Nah, I'm just joking but it's seriously EMPTY! Not what I had previously expected, indeed not a love story! :( Well, I still LOVE HAPPY ENDING! D: hahaha! There was project work meeting @ RAFFLES MAC! Truly LOVED! :D Then went out for my PRIMARY SCHOOL OUTING! =D it was AWESOMMME! though someone is super da xiao jie! Should have chosen CITY HALL! ARGGG! X( We sat around Tampines and took photos! :) COOL~ ~ ~ ShuFeng is ever that witty! Same goes for LiYing! And I tell you I'm going to become RACHEL LIM! In terms of hardworking! I swear she changed totally, like her dress sense and her attitude! Super good results, with an average boyfriend! LOL! she changed a total of 4 boyfriends... I hope for only one good one. ^^ HEEHEE!

500 Days of Summer soundtrack

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUFENG! :D

2009-11-07T00:36:00.007+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, LUAH SHU FENG!

Congrats that your handsome friend has sent you a birthday wish! Bet you'll keep the photo till you're 80! :P WHEE! LOVE you! :D HAHAHA the longest friend I know! like from primary 1 till NOW! I hope it lasts! :D

Random thoughts!

2009-11-03T19:22:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder how it feels like to have lots and lots of friends! You see these people, going everywhere in town, recognizing people, saying Hi-s and Bye-s to almost everyone. Indeed, very sociable! Yes, sometimes I do wish that I have plenty of friends to Hi-s and Bye-s too, but I know I'm not that sort of person who is highly sociable and etc... . As you grow older, that's where you realised there are only a handful you keep inside your heart forever. Friends that you only share secrets with, only genuinely laugh with, grow up with, share your sorrows with. It's so important to keep them in place! Friends you don't want to lose. I definitely want to have loads of friends, but still, I treasure that few the most in my heart.

Well, I was feeling unwell today! :[ No choice, I had to go home early! It was then I realised it was so long ever since I actually returned home so early! I have been reaching home late, I don't remember why but it just occured to me how much I miss my home! Even though its unlike other families, because my house is always empty, and every single member is always concern with their own lives and friends. People always think my family seemed pretty alright, and loving, nice yet I don't feel so. I am always jealous of other children's family where they come home with dinner waiting for them, and their parents always asking them about homework, coming back home after their work, and watching television programme together while discussing it. Well, my family never did. I have been returning to an empty home ever since primary 2. I know it's due to the circumstances and nature of their work, but they never returned early, and they never asked about my results or homework ever since p6. We have been raised by several maids, mostly Philipines and Indonesians. It don't turn out well too, sometimes, we're abused by them. And all they did, was to change them. Eating outside food has become a habit for us, I've turned to hate home-cooked food. Even on weekend, we never got together. Although we do have family day once in a blue moon?, but it began to decrease over times... I don't understand but I hope my kids won't go through it...

I typed too long and it's getting boring.

Now, Let me go savour my Satay Bee Hoon! ... :}

1_2/11/09

2009-11-02T23:37:00.002+08:00

Church was normal! The pastor was talking about believing in miracles, and etc... .
Cell group was tiring... I'm not sure why but I always felt like sleeping during that period!
After church, the 3 of us went to TM to buy stuff and etc, then met up with my mothter.

:D spent time watching the orphan! And went to sing K with Yinghui and Clara!
Afterwards went out with Sinren to have our dinner at orchard! :D
Life's simple but its simply rocking!

RAINY DAYS!

2009-10-31T18:30:00.005+08:00

Honey, you're greatly missed by me! ;]

I'm officially immune to H1N1! Nah... Haha just got the injection yesterday! :D Well, it wasn't an interesting trip anyway! :( It was boring, I was left alone! For a moment, I felt I don't belong to ISLE at all! Everyone can mingle with each other, except ME! :( It was really awful, felt something weird inside me, that makes me just want to leave! I'm not someone that likes to feel lonely, but I seriously don't know how to mix with them! Sometimes, I do regret joining it! I'm such a loser :[ ! I had to rush back to school for oral presentation workshop which was boreddd to the MAXXX! I find all the lessons were just a waste of time and money! When it reached 7pm, it began to rain heavily! No choice, though NY is RICH, but they still haven't build a shelter from ny to the mrt! :( Thank God, Jill's father came to fetch! So I hitched a free ride to BISHAN! After that, my mother came to fetch me! :D I slept like at 9pm! My earliest time ever!!! I was so drowy! ... That was what happened yesterday! 10/30/2009

Saturday, RAIN. It was a typical, ordinary Satuday! It actually meant Halloween! I still remembered what happened last year! It wasn't something very nice, ... ! I was supposed to be having fun but nevermind! This year, it's super duper plain BORING! I wonder what 17 is made up of: Promotional Exam, Oral Presentation, MUGGING! Hell yeahhh how FUNNNN is THATTT! I'm leading a boring life, and I want to break loose of this chain!!! :(

I know I never will. LOVE.LIFE.SEX.DRUGS.ALCOHOL.PARTY.

I'm just stepping out of my shell.

<3

2009-10-28T20:52:00.004+08:00

The thing is I screwed up up up my my my oraaaaal presentation! :(

My expression when doing project work!

I didn't practice, I fell asleep last night! And I feel super awful that I didn't give in my best shottoday! I didn't know the rest of the members put in so much effort, and I gave in like my 10%! I'm not worry, I will put in much effort the next time! :D Tomorrow is the making of Video! Hopefully, it will not strain our relationship further! Seriously, project work is just a way to actually break relationship or find faults with your friends. Sometimes, I do feel I'm a bit loud and straightforward with my ideas. At the same time, they are also not recognized. That's project work, isn't it? Life's goes on... I've meeting Tan Kay Kay for like consecutive days already. I am on the risk of becoming a lesbian with her! Hahaha! :P I'm going for an injection shot this Friday! Actually, I'm super scared of ISLE! I'm afraid of being left alone! :[ It's so easy to feel neglected and all. Pray that after that shot, it will also wash my melancholy memories away... Sail away like a boat! I look forward to after ISLE trip, and I'll be free from every other thing, just to concentrate on my studies alone!

When we make decisions, ...

2009-10-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

When I was young, I was pure and innocent.

'If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it...

I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby.'

Vincent van Gogh

I saved this quote, but I don't remember why I did! I was reading an issue of national geographic about LOVE, and I guessed I find it meaningful enough for me to jote down!

Right now,

Life is about Project Work. Life is about Project Work.

the decisions are final.

No regret, just goodbye!

Should I QUIT?

2009-10-25T19:19:00.005+08:00

I don't know what I should do!
God is not giving me any reason.
I hate it, I'm not happy with it!
That's why I should quit it!
Simple reason, big theory behind it!
I'm seriously sad about it! I don't know why!
Sometimes I think F sucks, because i feel F-ing lonely inside,
and the people don't give a damn. People don't change.
And people will say, then "You can CHANGE!"
Seriously, if I change, I will find myself a hypocrite. :(
Don't act like you're not when you're one!

Am I Ready?

2009-10-22T00:52:00.003+08:00

I LIKE THIS PICTURE FOR NO REASON!

I'm naive, I'm stupid.

I hate Friday!

XOXO!

2009-10-20T00:36:00.004+08:00

I'm addicted to Gossip Girl! XOXO! :P
Sinren And I are going GAGA over it! :D HAHA, can't help it!
I'm too influential! :)
I love Nate! ^^
Now, I type like a Gossip Girl! ;)
XOXO!

Finally, my exams are over over over! But there is a problem with me right now! I can't adjust back to the days ( night study days ) to be exact. I have been slacking, going out, just simply rotting and rotting and rotting! It seemed like I can't hold myself back again! All over again! I used to be strong, carefree but now I feel tied down by every thing in life. I'm back to the old ME! which I can't exactly defines who I am too! I love to talk but yet I go back to a life where I find people that are not familiar with me, and I don't really want to talk a lot too. Well, not true either, I blend into surroundings pretty well, it's not that hard after all. Blogging is like talking, so hey whatsss up! I'm sure my blog hates me for hurling nonsensical rants about life! I have a lot a lot a lot of ideas and weird thinking about how life works. For a moment, I might live a life full of passion. Next, I might drown myself in alcohol thinking life sure sucks to the core. Seemed like a roller coaster ride! Hopefully its just another one more year for me to work hard before I release everything inside me! Party and everything! :) XOXO just joking! I'm sure I would be more troubled than ever thinking about my future, and how I'm changing! This world sure sucks, but I guess there's always something to look forward to it! A happy ending always happens in fairy tale! & that's how I'm seeing myself too!

School's a torture!

2009-10-19T12:43:00.004+08:00

O-M-G, O-M-G!

I'm so going to hate Tuesday and Friday again! I'm actually surprised at how I survived my days through that F! Yes! :( Why did I choose it in the first place? Little did I know that I will hate it so much in the second place. Whatever! I'm pissed and irritated! I love school, but not F. :(((

What am I suppose to do!?!?! The fear of stepping to kallang, the fear of taking that stupid bus which I don't even remember the bus no. , the fear of facing the team, the fear of training, the fear of coach, the fear of lousy skills, the fear of whatever it is! My choice, my life. I think I'm hating this slogan! I hope exams lasts forever! Anyone, please help me make the right choice! :( I'm paying to ride a roller coaster ride! Damn I-T!

:D

2009-10-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

THIS IS IT! :D HAHAHAHAHA!
HELLOS, HOLIDAYS!
HELLOS, PROJECT WORK!
HELLOS, SHOPPING(CHEAP)!
HELLOS, BOWLING!
HELLOS, DIET!
HELLOS, MOVIES!
HELLOS, FASHION!
HELLOS, FUN!
HELLOS, SLACK!
HELLOS, KBOX!
HELLOS, ... OWW I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING RIGHT!

BYE! BYE! THIS IS IT! =D!
HA HA HA!
LET'S PARTY!

.
.
.

& F it! :(
results come out next week!!!
I just received this horrible news!
& it's extremely disturbing to my ears!

.
.
.
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO SLEEP AND REST WELL. NIGHTS!

0915!

2009-09-26T17:43:00.007+08:00

Teacher Chen leaving! HAHA!
Sinta told me that her sister tutor is annoyed with us! :D

My new class 0915! We didn't take a lot of pictures! :(
Here's some memories from the past few months that we spent with each other!

The Day We Took Lots Of Photos :

Shuting; Clara

QiQi; ShuTing.
You Is, What's up with that face?!!? HAHAHA

Qiqi spoiling the photo!

Nice one!

:) 0915

Trying to be sporty!

:D

A healthy DiXin throwing the ball!

HAHAHA!

Clara attempting to throw!

YiXin trying to instruct us!

With Ranneth Tan! Super FUNNY!
That day we made a card for him but the
UGLY TRUTH IS:
JieXin acted as an imposter and signed off the name for everyone who weren't present!
She used a pink pen and signed off as Donny! :DDD

A HAPPY 0915 without ME!

With Royston Tan @ ESPLANADE!

With The Guy From Intunemusic school!

JieXin with Huang

YingHui!

With the piano guy! :P for YingHui!

Cute Clara with her most beloved teacher!

:) Grab the book now!

A HAPPY SHUTING WITH AH DONG! :)))

1/3 of 0915! with AH DONG!

WHEEE! :) CUTE

Uh My teacher there!

With Mr Heng, for the sake of a teacher's day photo!
Pretty Random!

Not In School!

2009-09-22T12:27:00.001+08:00

I've decided that today is not a good day to visit the school! So I shall not be there!
I'm worried sick for my maths test tomorrow! It seemed impossible for me to finish my revision, yet everyone tells me I CAN! Contradictory... I don't care! I shall try my best to at least score a D? Though deep down in my heart, I'm telling myself FAT HOPE, girl! I hope this whole thing will end soon so that I can, ...

1) Go Bowling
2) Shopping
3) Watch Movies
4) After-church-activities! :D
5) Cell Shopping
6) Cell Retreat! :)
7) Go to Town! :)
8) Chill Out With SR!
9) Christmas! :D
10) K BOX!
11) Beach/ Sentosa ! :D
12) Arcade!
13) Dine-Out!
14) ... & the list goes on and on.

My Life Would Suck Without You!

2009-09-18T23:21:00.003+08:00

HEY SINREN BEEE! I MISS YOU! :(
Time flies whenever I'm with you!
I'm afraid you will leave me one day!
I pray that everyday you'll be by my side although its impossible!
Let's hope our friendship will continue for a lifetime! Further than what we can imagined!
Cause you're the only one I feel happy and comfortable with! :)
You're oh-so-true to be! :) SO LOVE YOU! :D
Don't forget! There's always always always ME! :D
True Friends are those that never leave you even if you're abandoned by the world!

“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.”

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
-Tim McGraw

My favourite quote is the last one! Hope you love it too!

Forgetting...

2009-09-17T00:02:00.002+08:00

September 15, 2009

Letting Go
Through Christ we have the freedom to let go.
What things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. —Philippians 3:7

God told me to let go, though it seemed hard!
But I Guess I will Do WELL!

150909

2009-09-15T23:40:00.004+08:00

Actually, to be honest, I have nothing to post about today!
Currently, I'm reading this book named I kissed Dating Goodbye! ( Thanks to RongHui for the book! (: )

I have to admit! It isn't easy at all to abide all the rules and standards that God wants for us! We're facing a world whereby being in relationship might be the norm, yet coming back to what is fulfilling and what is truly called LOVE, we need to change and not compromise with current situation. I believe LOVE is something truly worth waiting for. Well, I don't deny its difficult to resist the strong temptation lurking around you! With the right attitudes and believes, it is possible to say no! I'm not trying to say I'm going to be a spinster or nun! But yes, waiting for the right person is important as it saves the trouble of enduring heartbreaks! Imagine going through so many times of that excruciating emotional heartache! I guess one is enough for me! Hopefully the next one, is the right one! ;)

Reflections upon my Life!

2009-09-15T01:09:00.001+08:00

I admit my posts has been turning into TWITTER form! It's real convenience and it expresses what you're thinking and doing, just within a total of 160 words! Amazing! And I've been following Pastor Eugene! Anyway, the main point of this posts isn't about twittering, it's about what's happening to me these few days!

First, How do you feel when you know that your old flame is seeing someone else? Maybe I'm being over-sensitive... But I actually felt jealous! A unexplainable, indescribable emotion in my heart surfaced. It's a mixture of hatred, yet still hoping that maybe he stills remember me. Naive, I know! Exactly! Don't you just hate it when someone you've invested time and emotions in, put your heart into it, can just finds someone else to fill his heart so quickly. Pardon me but F***! OK, to the infinity! Damn it! I feel like hurling vulgarities. So you see, the pain of being in a relationship and suffering from one! It hurts me emotionally. Even though it's not some vivid or wild memories... Once you've put your heart into it, there is no turning back. How much I hate it! I'm saddened that I've not turned back when God has given me so many hints to pull me back, to stop me from furthering and endangering myself. I've led myself into a perilous journey when I myself know that this is not part of God's plan for me. I truly regret it, because I suffered. I did not escape from the pain. I went through it! Still, I thank you the Lord for not leading me into it further, but to stop all these. He made me see clearly through this, and I know He wants me to wait patiently, faithfully. Just towards him! I put my hope in Him. From today onwards, I shall believe that the best is yet to be given to me until I put in my best to the Lord!

I was trying to be pessimistic over my life! Once again! :( I always tried to picture myself in the worst possible scenario! So I stumbled upon LiXin's blog, and read through it! I realised that everybody struggles with life! Though it's somehow long-winded, LiXin showed her desire for God strongly. She did not blame God for all these she is going through, instead she gave thanks and served with passion! I was reading and looking at the pictures she took at her missionary trip! It never occur to me that LiXin looks like an angel! I could see her hearts for the children and she stood out among the people, she shined like a star, for the glory of God! Only then I realized, what matters most is on the inside, not on the outside! She showed empathy and her heart goes out to the people, the disadvantaged! I shall change my thinking and perspectives from this moment! :)

LOVE DRUNK; Is it TRUE?

2009-09-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

Say hello to goodbye _ _ _ _ _!

I used to be love drunk
But now I'm hungover
Love you forever
But now it's over!

2009-09-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

What If I Still Can't Get Over It?...

TWITTER-

2009-09-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

http://twitter.com/shuting92

revenge!

2009-09-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

:) BRIGHT SATURDAY! & I'm stuck at home! :(
I'm so going to take revenge when promos END! :(

:(

2009-09-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

"There's a word here about a young man here, probably or so, who is studying and you're on the verge of having a discouraging breakdown, that there is great anxiety in you. And you've been terrified about your studies and your school work... "

DAMN IT! MY SITUATION FITS EXACTLY INTO THIS SITUATION! :(

Missing Church Sermon

2009-09-10T22:27:00.001+08:00

Guess what! I always miss sermons that are meant for me! :(
Maybe God don't want to speak to me! :(((

LIVE FOREVER /.OASIS

2009-09-10T14:45:00.000+08:00

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows cos I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks it to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever...

In a state of Denial, ...

2009-09-08T00:30:00.004+08:00

A phrase used to described someone who refuses to accept the truth.

Loh Shu Ting is in a state of Denial. I am someone who refuses to accept the truth/reality.
Holidays arrived like a late Christmas gift. Nonetheless, it is still much of a blessing, to me! During Saturday, I experienced a traumatized experience, having to accept the fact that I sucked at memorizing. Holding that in mind, I stepped into a losing battle. The night before, I cried very hard, it felt like someone stabbing right into my lungs. At that very moment, my lungs went punctured, my breathing seemed to stop. I did something unusual. I hated myself. I hated myself for being stupid. I can't help but bring out the anger and stupidity of myself in me. I needed to release what I felt inside of me. When it's all over, I was hit by the car the second time. My heart flung into pieces. Nothing but to accept the truth and be honest about it.

The very night, I took a flu pill. Eat. Ate. Slept. I did not pray to God. I was too lazy, too engrossed over my sorrowfulness to bother to pray, or ask Him what's happening to me. I didn't attend Sunday service. I had a nice sleep that very day. I haven't slept so well ever since I entered junior college. When I wake up, it seemed like MAGIC. Everything that happened right from the start of junior college seemed to vanish away. I seemed to have forgotten all the pain I went through in my life. Even the pain I can felt every single day from Mrs Lim harsh words that once used to be engraved in my heart, become emptied. The dilemma I used to face when attending floorball. The lessons which seemed like a torture. Everything seemed to have faded away... Even though the memories are still there, it seemed more like a dream to be now. More than never before. Everything seemed like it happen but it's just a dream. It don't matter much anymore because it felt like it never happen before. It feels like a brand new life ahead of me yet what I feel differs. My mind stopped in my secondary school days. The days where never in my life felt so carefree, so innocent, so pure, so worry-free, so laid-back, so relaxed, so myself. I was living a life on what I wanted. A life where unhappiness doesn't exists. Till today, I realized I was so happy back then. I wanted to keep this feeling inside me, and I'm worry as it seemed to be fading away. Today at library, I quickly thought of what could possible make me happy, and wrote them down! I worry they might lost their way. This precious feeling of mine, it's something that I want to find back in my life. Reality hits in, the pursue of the old heart cannot fits into my new life.

The only thing is : Don't Look Back In Anger. ( By Oasis)
I remember crying in the MRT while listening to this song. It reminds me of my journey up till now. I bitterly bit my lips, stand strong, stand tall, and cross the paths which weren't meant for me. I tell myself, I shouldn't look back in anger, and wipe the tears off my cheeks.

When You Were Young- The Killers

2009-09-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

When You Were Young- The Killers
(And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live..... When you were young)

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I dont know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now
Watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane
That started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water
It ain't so sweet
You dont have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young
(Talks like a gentleman)
(Like you imagined)
When you were young

I said he doesnt look a thing like Jesus
He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

This songs actually describes how I feel.

A post dedicated to One-And-Only SINREN.

2009-09-07T23:37:00.001+08:00

Since Sinren shamelessly requested it, I shall grant her her wish! HAHA!
:) HERE IT GOES: HI GIRL! I MISS U! :P
Sometimes, I wished I could just call you up to meet you, go your house without worrying about the completion of my homework, go out on Friday Night just to chill out and talk about life.
When I felt that I could do so, things weren't the same anymore. Everything around me changed.
When I wanted to step back in life, I was forced to step forward. So I wrote down a list of what I love to do to remember how I felt this moment, and you're the first on my list! :D

I'm the happiest ...
1) the Moments I spent with Sinren :)

温柔。五月天。

2009-08-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

我对你的爱就是给你最后的温柔。
我最爱的一首歌！：）突然，感触良多。
时间仿佛抹去昨天的痛。
我还是一个我，你我停留在昨天得过去，但时间已经改变我们的心。
我想有些事，回不来。
我并不强求什么，只希望回忆可以停留在心中。
停在最美的那一瞬间。

走在風中　今天陽光　突然好溫柔
天的溫柔　地的溫柔　像你抱著我
然后發現　你的改變　孤單的今后
如果冷　該怎么渡過
天邊風光　身邊的我　都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什么　我從來都不懂
沒有關系　你的世界　就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔
不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什么　我的心
明明是想靠近　卻孤單到黎明
不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什么　我的心
那愛情的綺麗　總是在孤單里
再把我的最好的愛給你
不知不覺　不情不愿　又到巷子口
我沒有哭　也沒有笑　因為這是夢
沒有預兆　沒有理由　你真的有說過
如果有　就讓你自由

不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什么　我的心
明明是想靠近　卻孤單到黎明
不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什么　我的心
那愛情的綺麗　總是在孤單里

再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺　不情不愿　又到巷子口
我沒有哭　也沒有笑　因為這是夢
沒有預兆　沒有理由　你真的有說過
如果有　就讓你自由
自由　這是我的溫柔

INFATUATION_!

2009-08-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

INFATUATION_! :(

:) SCHOOL!

2009-08-27T00:03:00.002+08:00

I'm HAPPY now even though nobody smsed me today. I guess that's something worth being sad about. Do good friends really keep in contact? Or do distance keep people closer? Now I'm beginning to felt lonelier than ever! :( I saw WeiYing in the MRT today! This was when I realised when friends don't meet, they'll definitely feel that they've drifted apart. Even if the both of us study in the same school, we just happen not to meet each other that often! :( Something that make me feel kind of pity about. Likewise the situation applies to SinRen, who apparently is fighting with the flu bug. ( Bet her boyfriend is fighting it with her too. . . ) And this leaves me alone fighting with loneliness. I don't know, dear girl, i think when you're not smsing me, it's not okay. G_ W _S !

During Chinese lessons, we were discussing about a passage on friendship drifting apart and how people react to casual remarks make about having meals together. Actually, I do find this kind of remarks being hypocrite, just mere lies to conceal the real fact that we cannot make time for each other. It's quite true that many of us still prefer our old friends, in which we consider friends we have built memories or spent time with, yet who ever take the initiative to initiate an outing or a simple lunch out? Often we blame on each other, but failed to think from another perspective. The dilemma we keep inside, hold us back from the real truth. It hinders the outcome, and nobody gains from it. After all, maybe we should just break the cycle the mindset, and start asking our friends out right now!

"Does Anybody Hear Her"

2009-08-18T21:54:00.001+08:00

"Does Anybody Hear Her"

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

.

2009-08-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

No amount of tears can reverse the pain I feel inside me.

Did I fail myself, or did the world fail me?

2009-08-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

Nothing can seemed to fit right into the place now.
Neither any form of comfort will help to alleviate my pain.
I'm standing still, but with a broken heart.
I'm just one of the left behind by the world.
Did I make a wrong decision? Did I? Did I?
There's so much agony in my life right now, that I do not know how to get rid of it.
People often says or encourage you to stand up or prove to people you can, but unless you're in the shoes of that person, no amount of words can do to uplift the spirit of one's sufferings.
Either I'm in the wrong place, stumbled upon the wrong subjects, ... and everything don't seemed to go in place.
I tried. Maybe not hard enough.
How much can I move on, when there is a knife piercing through my heart?
You've already opened your mouth, spoke, hurt and done.
It's an irreversible process.
Once hurt, it will forever be there.
Yes, we're all tired, sick of life, sick of the trials and tribulation we have to go through.
But have you ever consider how I felt when you said those words.
Your words might work for someone else, but not me.
Now that my world has lost its meaning, what more should I say or even stay?
Everything I do now, my world, has turned into black and white.
Every moment, I just feel like crying.
My life has turned upside down, and I'm just one good-for-nothing, idling around.
I'm neither good in any subjects as far as I can think of, not good in character, a lousy personality, not even tall, not even pretty, ...
And I realized I have problems making friends as I grew older each day.
How should I continue with life, . . .
Each step I took forward every single time I fail, seemed to brought be back a thousand steps.

People never crumble in a day, I guess the day has just come.

dailydevotion never fails me

2009-08-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

Psalm 89:38-45 (New International Version)

38 But you have rejected, you have spurned,
you have been very angry with your anointed one.

39 You have renounced the covenant with your servant
and have defiled his crown in the dust.

40 You have broken through all his walls
and reduced his strongholds to ruins.

41 All who pass by have plundered him;
he has become the scorn of his neighbors.

42 You have exalted the right hand of his foes;
you have made all his enemies rejoice.

43 You have turned back the edge of his sword
and have not supported him in battle.

44 You have put an end to his splendor
and cast his throne to the ground.

45 You have cut short the days of his youth;
you have covered him with a mantle of shame.
Selah

Yet God will forgive. Don't lose your joy in the Lord. Let's live today with authority and security because we are walking with Him. If you find yourself down, look up. Ask Him to raise you up and restore you to victory again.

* * *

Sometimes God's discipline can be hard. Have you lost your joy in life because of His chastening? Regain the reign in your life. Look to God for forgiveness and restoration.

the Lord showing the way...

2009-07-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

Title: What Might Have Been
Author: Warren Wiersbe

Read Psalm 81:1-16

Life is made up of things that were, things that are and things that might have been. We find all three in Psalm 81.

First, we find the things that were (vv. 1-10). The psalmist talks about the God of Jacob and says, "Let's get our orchestra together. Let's get our trumpets and let's sing to the Lord. He gave us a statute. He delivered us from Egypt." He reflects on and rejoices in the past. But the things that were did not last long, because the people rebelled against the Lord.

Next, we see the things that are. "But My people would not heed My voice, and Israel would have none of Me. So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart, to walk in their own counsels" (vv. 11,12). The things that were brought rejoicing. The things that are spoke of rebellion. The people of God rebelled against Him. They wouldn't listen to Him, call upon Him or obey His Word. So they lost all that He had for them.

Finally, we see the things that might have been (vv.13-16). "Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways! I would soon subdue their enemies, and turn my hand against their adversaries. The haters of the Lord would pretend submission to Him, but their fate would endure forever. He would have fed them also with the finest of wheat; and with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you." What might have been? Victory, satisfaction, joy, the finest wheat and honey out of the rock.

Don't rebel against God and thus miss the blessings He wants to give you.

* * *

Dwelling on past failures only turns life into regret. If you have failed the Lord, come back to Him and pray for forgiveness. Dedicate yourself to Him and start experiencing those things that might have been. God has the best plan for you.

Leading a christian life...

2009-07-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

There are always time when we're making a decision and we just do not know what to choose. Most of the time, we're stuck between choices. As Christians, we're always asked to turn to the Lord as our first instead of the last resort. However as normal human beings, we always sinned and instead of turning to the Lord, we turn to ourselves. We make decisions without seeking Him, and the truth is we will and definitely will experience pain because this is something not what He wants for us. We become directed away from His plans which are good that will prosper us. This is when we start blaming Him, or turn back to Him to seek for forgiveness. On this ordinary Sunday, I stumbled upon the daily devotion of our church, there it goes... .

Title: Tempting God
Author: Warren Wiersbe

Read Psalm 78:54-64

There is only one direction for Christians to travel--forward. We must not think back or look back or turn back. We must move ahead, out of the old life and into the new.

That's the picture of the Israelites. God delivered them from Egypt. He brought them into the Promised Land, yet when they got there, they failed Him. "Yet they tested and provoked the Most High God, and did not keep His testimonies, but turned back and acted unfaithfully like their fathers; they were turned aside like a deceitful bow. For they provoked Him to anger with their high places, and moved Him to jealousy with their carved images" (vv. 56-58). They ignored all of God's greatness. He defeated the other nations. He gave the Jews houses they did not build. They drank from wells they did not dig. They ate from trees they never cultivated. They ignored God's goodness, and then they deliberately tempted Him.

How do you tempt God? When you deliberately disobey Him and dare Him to do something. You are not walking in ignorance--you know what you are doing. To tempt God means to sin with your eyes wide open. This provokes Him.

The people of Israel even adopted the idolatrous worship of the people they had defeated! We do this today, too. How easy it is for us to accept the idols of this world, to trust in money and position, to trust in the words of men instead of the words of God. And the result? "He forsook the tabernacle" (v. 60). God moved out. He said, "If you don't want me, I'm leaving." As a consequence, the people of Israel went into captivity.

What a tragedy to enter into the blessing God has for us and get so confident and selfish we forget the One who gave us the blessing.

* * *

Be careful never to place your trust in God's blessings rather than in God. Enjoy the Blesser--the God who gives and guides you--rather than the blessing.

GUESS WHAT?!?! This is what I've been always thinking of! Now, I REALLY REALLY FEAR the Almighty Lord!!! I admit, I have been thinking that leading a Christian life is boring me, and I can't do all the things I used to be naive about, entering into danger, and jepordising myself with temptations, and giving into them. For the past few days, I've been asking the Lord to show me His presence. I was telling myself, alright Lord, show me your words through today devotions. So I clicked, and fell off the chair! Now I feel really guilty about what I've been thinking about! Everytime I fail to please the Lord, and I've been thinking that the sermon was more about the 'adults' and it doesn't concern young people. However, I was so wrong! RongHui is totally correct! We all tried to resist God at times, tried to go on our own ways when He has showered us with blessings. This in turn lead to ourelves being proud and conceited. We become more obessed with materialistic aspects that we ignore what grow in our inner self- our spiritual aspects. This leads to today sermon about HUMBLE! We have to look up to the Heaven! Look up to God! Coincidentally, I've been reading a book and I happened to stop at this chapter about the Heavenly Kingdom. I'm sure that's all too much of a coincidence! God, I fear you! OH! It's FREAKING ME OUT!

I guess I'm just TIRED!

2009-07-13T17:37:00.005+08:00

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曹格- Supermarket 超級市場

2009-07-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

对对对你说的全都对
我的动作常常容易让人误会
快用亲亲在我脸上签个名
让全宇宙都知道我是你的谁
越来越爱
早上都赖床的星期天
oh 爱
下午沙发上的电影院
爱黄昏牵着手地逛街聊天
爱夜晚咬耳朵地幸福缠绵
想当你隔壁家的supermarket
二十四小时都欢迎光临
幽默风趣无限量供应
任劳任怨都是特价品
想当你一个人的supermarket
你担心的人都不准靠近
幸福快乐买一再送一
预定真爱保护无限期
谁对对对你是真的很美
我的脑袋天马行空幻想你一堆
快用撒娇给我超级大任务
看我货真价实还是天花乱坠
越来越爱
早上都赖床的星期天
oh 爱
下午沙发上的电影院
爱黄昏牵着手地逛街聊天
爱夜晚咬耳朵地幸福缠绵
想当你隔壁家的supermarket
二十四小时都欢迎光临
幽默风趣无限量供应
任劳任怨都是特价品
想当你一个人的supermarket
你担心的人都不准靠近
幸福快乐买一再送一
预定真爱保护无限期
我内心的那个小孩
会快快成长让你放心地依赖
很帅很天才
给你美好的未来
想当你隔壁家的supermarket
二十四小时都欢迎光临
幽默风趣无限量供应
任劳任怨都是特价品
想当你一个人的supermarket
你担心的人都不准靠近
幸福快乐买一再送一
预定真爱保护无限期

Being Single, ...

2009-07-11T18:20:00.006+08:00

17, single? Am I a weirdo? Listening to all the love songs, just made my heart flutter, pondering whether if I would land into such situation where I'm in love, stuck in between 2 guys, breaking up, unhappy with the new one, thinking of the old one, ... . It seemed hard to runaway from all those feelings that stir up in you when you listen to them. But yet I haven't even experienced any of it.

I'm worried, worried, worried.

I'm afraid I might be a spinster! A woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying. By 21, if I'm not attached, I guess I'll have to grab any random single guy I meet on the streets/church! That's an imaginative scenario! I'm so afraid it'll come TRUE!

I feel exactly like a spinster here, typing how I feel, alone on a beautiful Saturday, wasted by sitting here and staring into the screen, punching keys. How miserable! And nobody I can call out to just chill the day out with me. Living a solitary life, being forsaken at home.

Maybe God says it's not the right time, and I might just break my dream. How easy to do that! Now I know it's indeed not EASY at all to say we can just wait for God to put the RIGHT man into your life, when there is countless temptations luring you into the wrong ways.

Damn it, I can't wait. I'm staring into the space, waiting time to past, waiting God to throw a man into my life. A right one.

One day, I'll be wearing Vera Wang wedding gown, and definitely not on the same day as sinren!

i wonder how, i wondered why...

2009-07-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

I had an urge to blog, but I don't know what to blog about.

Results will never ever make an impact in me. Every time I fail, I stumble, I fall to the ground, I do it all over again, and it came right back on my face. I didn't really put in much effort for midyear. For some moments, I was lost in my thoughts. I was trapped in the past, the period when I was choosing my courses and route between Poly or Junior College. Regret, is the word. Sometime, I would turn back and picture myself teaching young children, achieving the aspiration I've built inside my heart. A dream i wished I lived ( which I still can ). Even picturing myself receiving the scholarship to some University, living in Boston for 5 weeks. Living in NY was never something I would imagine doing. Every single day, I wake up and find myself walking to school, asking myself, 'Why?'. Why should I be here, somewhere I don't belong. I'm barely hanging on, right on the edge, falling apart. Everything being ripped off. The strength I built upon God has faded away. Weariness has set upon in my heart. Can God answers me whether am I on the right path? The future looks uncertain and bleak. Midst just covered the purpose where I am suppose to be. If I worked hard enough, and earned myself a place in ECH. Well, no more IF... I've thought through it. I will never let myself suffer, because it is terrible living a life like that. I will do what I like, loved, enjoyed.

Project Work was awful. I felt being largely ignored, and the group don't seemed to work as a team. Somehow, we're all living in a world just trying to get together. Because it's the way life works.

SINFUL BLOG POST!

2009-06-30T18:59:00.002+08:00

OH WELL, I'M SUPPOSE TO STUDY YET I'M BLOGGING. :(
OK IT'S THE EVER DREADDDED PAPER: CHEMISTRY!
I'M SO LOOKING TO THE END OF THE EXAM, GOING TO CHURCH AGAIN!
I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH CHRISTIAN ROCK MUSIC! ! !
OK! VIEWING THE MISSED SERMON NOW!

:) AS CHILDISH AS EVER! I AM WHO I AM! :)

SAVE ME! :(

2009-06-28T22:53:00.013+08:00

I feel so dead now. My heart, my heart. My soul, my soul.
I'm at my wits end.
I turning back to look at everything I've done.
I truly regret it.
I've come to somewhere I don't belong.
I feel painful and horrible.
I can feel myself dying... my heart is dying.
I really really regret.
Now that I've come this far, turning back seemed faraway.
It's like walking from the north to south, east to west.
I feel myself turning away from everything.
My life is a wrecked train.
Nothing can be done to salvage this situation.
I will be left alone, left to be in the dark.
I'm so afraid, yet regretting everything.
I hate myself for choosing something I dislike, because I'm not this kind of person.
I want to be myself, but for the first time, I was so wrong.
I was placed wrongly.
I did something because my rational mind tells me to, I did it to please others, my parents, but I failed to please God.
I promised him something but yet I backfired because of something else.
Now I'm truly regretting myself for suffering here.
God, I need you here.
I feel so guilty not even going to church today.
RH said that the sermon is about me, and God is speaking to me.
I feel so painful that I couldn't get to hear his words.
Nothing can get into my head.
All the information is just flowing away, and there is no way I can stop them.
I'm living such a terrible life.
I told myself few days ago, not to look back because it pulls you from the future. If you look forward, time past faster, and soon everything will finish.
I'm speechless.
I need the holy spirit to come speak to me.
My whole world is falling apart.
I can't feel anything.
Nobody is around me.
Nobody talks to me, sms me.
No one is concerned about me.
I'm left behind by the world. My friends are all moving forward!
I'm really moving backwards.
I feel bad about everything today.
I've never felt so useless, and unworthy in my life before.
I've never ever felt I was even appreciated in this world, nor do I deserve to be in this world.
I know I'm paid by a price, Jesus is my savior.
I'm precious in his eyes, but somehow I'm undergoing so many trials and tribulations.
I've lost my will to continue to go on.
I want to fall on my knees, to ask for forgiveness, for redemption.
No matter how hard I pray, I can't feel his presence.
I know I'm sinning for being lazy and everything.
I just feel I need my heart to be renewed.
To come clean before the lord, and I really need to bring my heart of stone away, and welcome a new heart of flesh.
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it!
Now that I'm filled with guilt and pain in my heart, I don't know how to go one. The Lord has felt sad too, and how I wished he can save me from everything again.
I'm too unworthy to be here.

I stumbled upon the daily devotion today.
Here it goes :

Title: Recipe for Rejoicing
Author: Warren Wiersbe

Read Psalm 69:22-36

"I will praise the name of God with a song and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." This verse seems out of place here, because this psalm has an atmosphere of trial and sorrow. Six times we find the word reproach in Psalm 69. David cries out to God for help, so it's strange to find him saying, "I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." When you are sinking, when you think that everything has gone wrong, when others are persecuting you and smiting you, praise the name of God with a song.

Paul and Silas must have thought of verse 30 when they were suffering in jail in Philippi (see Acts 16:16-34). They were in the stocks. They had been humiliated and arrested. Their rights were taken from them. They had been beaten with rods, and their bodies ached. But they began to sing and praise God. The concert brought down the house, and the jailer was saved. When you find yourself sinking, start singing.

Magnify the Lord. When I hurt, I have a tendency to magnify myself. I think, Nobody ever felt the way I feel. Nobody's ever been through what I've been through. But David said, "I'm not going to do that. I'm going to magnify the Lord."

Thank the Lord. Anyone can thank Him when things are going well. Anyone can thank Him in the sunshine. But when you are sinking in the deep mire, it's difficult to give thanks to God. But we need to do so.

Here you have a threefold recipe for rejoicing when you are sinking: Praise the name of the Lord, seek to magnify Him and bring your thanksgiving from your heart.

* * *

Are you overwhelmed by your circumstances? Trust the Lord and follow this recipe. He will cause you to rejoice.

Psalm 69:29

²⁹ I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.

Pain and distress is exactly how I felt!

God, I need you in my life. I am nothing without you.

GETTING ON WITH LIFE!

2009-06-21T19:57:00.002+08:00

I'm quite busy with my whole life right now.
I admit! I played a lot and I can't help to stop but run away from all those irritating CLLCME!
My irritating combination! :( haiyaaaaa! pissed with my CLL!

1) GATHERING FOR ARIA's FAREWELL! :(
Poor Aria leaving us soon, but for a good cause.
She's heading to CANADA to the University of Waterloo!
It looked like a pretty smart school! I hope Aria comes back soon! :(
Then she can wear nice winter clothes! :) Maybe we should just send her a scarf!

2) GATHERING WITH SECONDARY SCHOOL FRIEND!
I was pretty lazy... haha but it was nice meeting those girls again!
And Joyce forever had good deals to prepare us for! :)
shall call it informative! HAHAHA! So we headed over to Swensens for some student price ice-cream! :D
I'm sorry yet to upload those photos up to FB! :(

3) Life's a BEACH!
JASMINE, LIXUAN, SHUTING. The 3 of us headed to Vivo City to shop before ended up at Sentosa for Life's a Beach event. We just slacked around, took photos and sat by the beach to chat and look at the night scenery. :)

4) CHURCH CAMP :D
WOOO I LOVE CHURCH CAMP THIS YEAR! :) It's really awesome! :) I loved the arrangement and everything about it! How the Lord speaks to me in some areas of my life. I can't summed up the entire things in a few words... but it's really and definitely far more exciting than encounter camp!!! Maybe more in terms of relationship, when I realised alot about what the Lord has in prepared for us is true. We all want to have emotional attatchment. I guess it's really bad to have a lot of relationships and ended up getting hurt. Just like you don't want your husand to go around sleeping with others, precisely don't do that too! It's more like if you don't want that to happen to you, don't go around doing the same. I still don't really agree why we shouldn't have a non-christian boyfriend but guess time will reveal. There's still a lot like spending time with the Lord through TEA and SMART, how to read the bible, and etc... It's really helpful and it ended all well with hugging our pastors with messages telling us to be different and that we're special!
Do go to www.markadifference.blogspot.com for more cool sermon explanantion! That's what I think at least! haha! :)

Event coming along...
Cell Group Outings :D
Toilet Gang Sushi buffet! :)
Father's Day! :)
Sinren's BIG DAY! haha nah its BIRTHDAY! ;P
KIAN AUNITE's WEDDING! :)
SHOPPING DAY! :)
DINNER WITH RONGHUI! :)

I might as well just fail my exams! -,-! & I'm offically officially BROKE!

it's been awhile...

2009-06-19T19:33:00.010+08:00

my favourite photo! (:

since I felt lost or lonely.
But today, I actually felt so.
After floorball, I whipped out my phone and nobody smsed me. I was super sad! I don't know why as I grew older, the more I felt lonelier. . .
Is it a punishment from God or the trials I have to go through?
I know there bounds to be problems in life, but little did I expect it to be hard to accept.
I felt like nobody really cared about me. I was thrown into a deep hole.
Whether in floorball or in life, I feel lost and I'm afraid I can't succeed.
I know it's wrong to think negative, but when people walk alone, this is how they feel.
I can't find anynone in this deep hole, only myself searching for the light.
I don't try to reach for the top cause I'm afriad.
Overall, I'm tired tired tired! But I still need to study! :( that's fate or reality?
:(

Always Forever! =D

2009-06-11T12:02:00.002+08:00

I've found a really nice, smoothing worship song!
It's not catchy but it touches my heart a lot!
I love how simple the lyrics are yet captivating!
I can say it's one of my favorite worship song right now! :D
Play it to hear it! :D

Here's the lyrics to it:
You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life

You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever

:) blessed is ME!

2009-06-10T22:31:00.002+08:00

OH THANK GOD THAT SINREN IS ALSO GOING DHOBY GAUT! (:

Then we can take the same mrt and bus! HAPPY! & I love that damn stupid function on her phone. It's so FUN to WRAP your face and look extremely retarded and stupid! :O
Oh well, I'm so glad I've met up with SINREN! WHEEEE! & her extremely i-don't-know boyfriend. What should I blog about today?

Oh yes, I went for Economics extra lessons! (: It was pretty helpful, however that teacher was weird. SEE I'M ONE GOOD GIRL that attends ECONOMICS! HAHA!
I have so many things on my mind right now!
I have a imaginary boyfriend called jayson, haha i don't make sense!

LALA POST! :) hate it when it's long!

2009-06-09T23:42:00.004+08:00

OH I feel so ashamed saying this but but but due to my laziness,
I've skipped like lots of lessons! Economics and Maths to be specific!
AHHH! I feel like screaming! Everything seemed to be out against me!
God taught us to be obedience, yet what if everyone turn against you?
It's like every time I try to put my best front forward to people,
yet they doesn't appreciate what you've actually done for them.
I know I'm still learning! Just like a baby taking its steps...
No matter how hard I try, I'm in my dilemma.
It seemed forever that I'm trying to become more and more like Jesus,
however at the very same time, I find myself not 'original' anymore.
I lost my old personality, old self, the old me.
I wonder if anyone ever feels so that I'm changing...
I just missed all my old friends, and how we used to be.
I missed their laughter, and all the lame jokes we crack together.
It seemed further and further away as each day passed.
It's not that our memories are fading away, but it's like every single day...
each and every one of us are constantly changing.
Memories doesn't change, but human being does.
God doesn't too. He's there always and forever.
I'm not EMOTIONAL! OH WELL, just a few days ago.
I was so naive. I tried to get myself drunk at the same place where
sad memories took place. YES! I got like kind of cranky and drunk.
At first, I thought :" SEE I'M SO STRONG! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! "
However, right after what I've thought, thinking I was all cool and calm.
I was overwhelmed by darkness... For a moment, my whole head spin like mad.
Then I could not stand firmly, I needed to sit down.
Next thing, I vomit. Next next thing, I was sitting in the middle of the road.
SINNER, yes I am ONE! :( underage drinking is not cool!
NO, it's not cool drinking at all! :(((
Seriously, I feel so sinned that I didn't pray to God, tell him my problems,
instead I turn to alcohol, thinking it would help. Apparently, it DON'T!
So yesterday, I went to met up with SINREN.
Then we talked DIRTY. HAHAHA. I loved it and it was so funny.
I'm like digging a lot about her and her whatever XXX.
They've did so many stuff! OPPS! HAHAHA! Oh don't expect that much! :)
I think they're one normal and cute couple.
Then we were saying like we'll start praying for me to find my RIGHT one! ASAP i HOPE! :)
Today, floorball resumed our normal trainings. Not I guess it's just another start of my nightmare! :( It's not I dislike floorball, I just find everyone being so indifferent!
In the past, nothing like this ever occured. Pure and Innocent. Yet now, so malicious.
At KFC, something happened, and next minute, half of my body was covered with rootbeer.
Maybe because I'm already pretty sticky, don't really mind over it. Maybe if I were in my CCHY uniform, I'll surely be freaking out! OHHH! I think I like the font, that's why I keep typing and typing! My first week passed passed passed! Oh my, I swear I didn't even get to enjoy anything up till now! Oh yes, I'm super crazy and worried that I can't find my true love! :(
Everywhere I go, I see couples, and it's an eye sore! :C
I'm pretty sure everyone is so damn fast and furious... oh my I'll be left on the shelves!
I don't want! :C Oh I need to stand firm with Jesus first, before he can give me my RIGHT ONE! I think I should be thinking this way. Maybe If I Wait hard enough, learn to grow in Jesus, wait patiently, then he'll give me a faithful a right one, my meant to be soulmate. Can you imagine the countless of precious memories we'll have, if we were meant to be. How much we can click well, how much we can actually spent time together doing similar stuff and feeling happy, how much we can get together and worship the lord, sing praises together, spent time together counting stars, spend time talking about how Jesus brought us together, how Jesus want our lives to be connected with him, how we are so same and alike, how much we love Jesus, tell each other about the secrets we have, tell each other how we met Jesus, get together in a cold night, spend a lazy afternoon together, tell each other the problems we faced in life, read our Bibles together, spend time together listening to God's word for us, go to a faraway place where nobody knows us, gatecrash some random weddings, laugh at each other faults, forgiving each other sins and know how much we actually love each other and cannot live without each other, ... the list goes on and on!
There are infinite things I must do with my husband/first boyfriend. I know I might sound somehow like old fashioned, outdated, but I believe the Lord for the right one and only one so I won't get hurt and it's a LOVE STORY! I'll be the ONE to witness that true love does exist, and it won't be like other teenagers when their love are just mere infatuation or for the sake of having someone to love or to be loved. Although I know it's difficult and hard during this century but FAITH keeps me going on. Yes, it's true and I believe it. I'm living for it! I wonder if God will ever read my blog! I just stumbled upon angel's blog, and she say God doesn't reply smses, but I believe God will know my problems. That sermon was just so spot on! Thank Lord about what Pastor Eugene has preached about during the last sermon. It was like my daily bread! Two word from the bible and from that verse striked me alot! TAKE HEART! So I wrote it in my palms before going to floorball. I know I needed it to help me tide through! Oh tomorrow is going to be tied up! I don't mind spending my time talking with the Lord, it's so precious to me! I feel guilty that I have not been spending enough time with him. Fret not, this friday is my TEEN IDOL CAMP! I'm so looking forward to it! It's like I can finally get some time off the busy schedule to do something meaningful and fruitful! Oh yes, last week pastor Lily was telling us to pray in tongues! But I just couldn't cause I have not received it! I'm not sure when I will receive it but I know I'm not ready for it. I want to fully receive it when I have the real heart and the heart God desires then to put his powerful, mighty power into my mouth and confess the truths. Our tribe are supposed to pray in 2 for a word from the lord for our youth net ( I think so). I was praying then many words like love, compassion just passed thorugh, then out of a sudden, guitar popped out! It was so random! I shall ask more from the lord about it! Hopefully He'll give me an answer! Alrights! Shall stop this long long post! (:

GOODNIGHT! (:

2009-06-05T22:16:00.003+08:00

Human beings are irritating creature.
YES. Some of them ARE!
I don't get what everyone of you is hiding. Forget it.
Whatever it will be. Shall be.
Whatever gossiping and secrets shall flow to the back of my head.
Now I'm starting to dread everything I used to have strong passion for.
& that's a B.

H-O-L-I-D-A-Y! breather!
I think I feel lethargic! :(
What's wrong with me?
I feel totally wrong and out of place and not myself!

PHOTOS!

2009-05-21T18:22:00.003+08:00

OUR 气质美女 YINGHUI playing piano!

The song is dedicated to 0915!

I seriously have no idea how to describe this priceless photo!
Jin is anxiously waiting for his turn.
Wan Xin is playing with her hair.
Jie Xin looks really bored with pw? ( and who is behind JieXin? )
Mr Wong is smiling at the camera!!!
What the heck is SunHui doing?

LASTLY, BABY! (:

love quote!

2009-05-21T18:10:00.002+08:00

Spring bursts today,
For love is risen
and all the earth's at play.

-Christina Rossetti

In a kiss, two spirits meet, mingle and become one.

sometimes this is the way life works.

2009-05-16T15:50:00.003+08:00

It's those days you just want to sit down, and flush everything down the chute.
I don't understand why, have I become more heartless, oblivious to all the feelings around me.
Yes, self-centered is the word.
I think I've become concerned about myself more than I do about others.
Sometimes, I'll find others more concern with maybe someone else, then I'll ask myself:''why aren't they asking me too?''.
It's my problem. We're always taught to look at Jesus, and not look at ourselves.
The root of the problem begins when I began to change the focus on to myself,
I start to think and becomes mindful of how others treat me.
I feel so weary these few days, like how I might faint anytime any moment.
Even my favorite R&B songs can't cheer me up.
I sit in the bus, I cannot concentrate on reading, instead I'll just stare into the space.
Nothing just can cheer me up.
Don't feel like smsing, or rather I feel like running away from the world.
To run into the arms of Jesus, to find my Kingdom of Comfort.

WORRY will steal away our HAPPINESS!

2009-05-03T16:48:00.003+08:00

What God has to say about worrying?
26 Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was not dressed like one of these.

34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep worrying about everything these few days. Let me pour out what I'm worrying about:

1) I can't finish my homework. ( I never finish them anyway.)

2) I cannot score well.

3)I cannot finish the floorball poster!

4)I'm nervous for the upcoming isle camp.

5)I cannot get enough sleep.

Jesus tells us that worry will steal away our happiness and

keep us from pursuing more important goals; especially

the goal of establishing our relationship with God.

I can finish my homework in time.
I will and definitely score well.
I will be able to do a good job of the floorball poster.
I will have a good and fun time at the ISLE camp!
I will make more friends, and my character will grow to become more Christlike.
I will be more amiable and sociable.
My life will become more enriched with activities.
I will get plenty of sleep to last me the day!
I will get to enjoy and live the fullest to my life!
God has a plan for me, and I will live to his expectations!

I do not need to worry about tomorrow, because He has a plan for me.

SHES FEELING HAPPY!

2009-04-29T21:44:00.003+08:00

BECAUSE FLOORBALL RULES!
I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH IT! :)

LOSER!

2009-04-27T21:42:00.002+08:00

OH MY! Today something awful happened! I was feeling real real real, deep down lousy over school and etc...
On the way home in bus, I sat down and a cute, little Indian boy in front of me, kicked my legs! How irritating! I totally felt like a sore loser, like somehow I'm not even worthy to live on this earth! Now I can't deny I feel somehow lonely, scared. Sinren is busy with her GPP. Shrugs! And Tzy Huoy studies in the East? A million miles apart from me! I can't even feel that they are there anymore!

Forlorn is the right word to describe what I'm feeling now! Though kind of cranky!

1.	desolate or dreary; unhappy or miserable, as in feeling, condition, or appearance.

2.	lonely and sad; forsaken.

3.	expressive of hopelessness; despairing: forlorn glances.

4.	bereft; destitute: forlorn of comfort.

O Lord, is there a purpose for me, breathing precious air to keep me alive? And you answered: Your purpose is me! I stood in the desert, shouting out to you, can you hear my prayers? Can you answer them? O Lord, is there anything even hard for you to do? Sometimes, I can't feel your presence. You told me to rest in you during times like this, but I cant seemed to do so. My burdens, can you take all of them away? As I shout out and desires for you, surely you would come and bring me away! So what could I say? And what could I do? But offer this heart O god, completely to you. So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the one who gave it all! Can you tell me what to do? I fall at my knees, feeling weary. Can you save me, I'm nothing, really nothing. Your grace and mercy! SALVATION is HERE!

THE STAND! JESUS!

2009-04-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

This song touched me a lot today!
Shall share it! (:

回忆变成风，停在心里的最深处。

2009-04-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

朋友，家人，情人。

朋友：
存在的友谊是无法用话语去形容的。
刚刚翻开一些旧的卡片，真的真的很感动。
里头的字，很珍贵。
我们增经无邪的做出疯狂的举动，沙里傻气的那种冲动，执著的热诚，懒懒散散的态度，对世界报着希望，但是又常发牢骚，埋怨它对我们有多么不公平，。。。
有一位友人那么写道：‘或许不习惯，不熟悉，感到彷徨，害怕，难过。。。，但这就是人生，不是吗？’。
很喜欢这句话！那么贴切，那么真实。初次来到中一，其实也是这一份感觉，即彷徨又害怕！最后，还不是熬出头来！结果，又讨厌要离别的心情，因为我们又要面对不熟悉的环境，人，然后从头接受它，习惯它，勇敢的面对未来。。。
谢谢你给过我的，因为我们会永远留在彼此的心中。

家人：
今天，我参加了一年一度的奖学金。
第一年，爷爷不再和我一起出现。
当我以为我可以很勇敢的忘记，我却做不到。
心头有很多画面涌上心头，一时无法清醒。
看到在一旁的父亲，默默地流着泪。
我却无法安慰。
这是我才了解这种心情。。。
当身旁的人都在热热闹闹的庆祝，你却一人默默默默的在伤心。
我想他感到害怕，孤独，因为很多事都不变，人却已经不在。
那熟悉的场景缺少了熟悉的背影。

情人：
增经得增经。那时的我们，是否还记得那种感觉。。。
我想它带来的是个不好的回忆所以你不想再提，不想再和它有任何的瓜葛。
看到我时，会打个招呼吗？
其实我不在乎尴尬，因为关心一个人并不需要情人才可以那么做。
我想我们都各退一步，是你认为最好的结果。

全世界都停电.

24/04/09: DEAD AND GONE!

2009-04-23T22:32:00.004+08:00

DAMN DAMN DAMN!
ALL I WANT TO DO IS TO SCREAM! I JUST WANT TO SPEND ALL MY MONEY AND MAKE MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN!SINNER. YES I AM.I DISLIKE SCHOOL, SO WHAT? YES I'M STILL A ROCK STAR!I JUST CAN'T BUTTRY TO HATE EVERYONE!YES YES YES I'M A WEIRDO.I'M STUPID. AND I'M UNSOCIABLE. DEEMED LOSER. UNFIT. OHH WHATEVER.I'M NOT MYSELF ANYMORE. A SOUL IN A DEAD BODY.I CANT SEE MY REAL SELF ANYMORE, AND I'M TRUTHFUL ABOUT IT.I DON'T KNOW WHY U GUYS ARE DOING THIS TO ME.YEAH I'M NUTS, ITS MYSELF, ME, MYSELF, ME I AM MY OWN PROBLEM.I NEED TO STRESS, I'M JUST ANOTHER DUMB PERSON, I CANT DO MATHS,I CANT DO CHEMISTRY, I CANT DO CHINESE LITERATURE, I CANT TO ECONOMICS.OH YEAHS AND I FAILED EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. THAT'S WHY. PRECISELY. I CANT TALK, NO, COMMUNICATE WELL WITH EVERYONE. I FEEL SO NOT MYSELF. IM LOST. FCUKING LOST. MY HEART IS NOT HAPPY. I FEEL SO OUTCAST, OUT OF PLACE, DESPISED UPON. YEAH IM DUMB IM DUMB. WHATEVER YOU CAN SEE. YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN 100TH TUTORIAL IF YOU WANT. I DO IT AT MY OWN PACE. I PLAY IT AT MY OWN. I LOVE MY OWN PACE. I DONT SEE A WRONG IN IT. YES. IM HAVING A HEADACHE. MY MENSTRUAL CRAMP IS KILLING ME. MY PI IS KILLING ME. I CAN FEEL A FCUK. YOU DONT SEE THE REAL ME. GOD IM REAL SAD. :( OHH, IS IT TRUE THAT I WILL SPEND HOW IT WILL BE LIKE FOR THE REST OF MY 2 YEARS! DEAR GOD, IM A WRETCHED, SAVE ME! TEL ME WHY. I DREAD GOING TO SCHOOL. I DONT DENY I REALLY HATE IT A LOT. AND WORST WORST IS WHEN ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE MOVING FORWARD. THEY GET ALONG WELL WITH THEIR PEERS. THEIR FRIENDS LOVE THEM. THEIR LIFES ARE FORWARDING. I AM BACKSLIDING. TRUE. MY HEART IS LEFT BEHIND. I'M TRYING TO FIND MY WAY BACK HOME. IM SO LOST AND MY HEART IS SEEKING FOR THE TRUTH. THE REAL HEART. I'VE BEEN ROAMING AROUND TOO LONG, TRYING TO FIND MY WAY BACK HOME. I'VE LOST MY HEART. A PASSION HEART FOR LIFE. IT'S WORST THAN EVER. I FEEL IM BEING LEFT BEHIND BY THE WORLD. I DONT DENY. I DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT MY FAMILY. BUT SEROUSLY AM I RIGHT. IM LIVING A LIFE OF HELL. EVERYDAY I JUST WISH TO GO OUT, RELAXED ALL MY WAY UNTIL I AM SATISFIED. I FEEL SO DISHEARTED EVERY SINGLE SINGLE DAY. A TORTURE. I KNOW AS I TYPE MY EYELIDS ARE DROPPING. I CANT HELP BUT RANTS ALL WHAT I FEEL IN MY HEART. I'VE BEEN HIDING TOO MANY TRUTH AND FEELINGS. I AC, YES AS IF IM HELL ALRIGH TIN SCHOOL AND I'M OK WITH YOU GUYS NOT TALKING. AND ME NOT TALKING AND ME LEFT BEHIND EVERY SINGLE THING. EVERYDAY WORRYING NOBODY SITS WITH ME, NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO ME. NOBODY WANTS TO BE FRIEND WITH ME. EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY IM SCARED AND LONELY AND I FEEL MORONIC STUPID COMING TO THIS PLACE. YES ITS EVEN WORST WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT BEHIND. EVERYDAY I GO PLACES, I WORRY I HAD NOBODY TO BE WITH. EVEN THE ONE I MAKE FRIENDS WITH LEFT ME. HOW IT FEELS? I DONT KNOW. NUMB NUMB NUMB. YES WHAT NUMB. IM NOT THAT ME ANYMORE. PRICKS ME AND NO BLOOD COMES OUT. YES BLOOD. IM HEARTLESS. I CANNOT QUIT NOW AND I HAVE A RACE TO GO ON TOMORROW AND FOR THE REST OF MY YEARS. I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE AND MY HEART IS KILLING ME. EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I KNOW IM GOING A DUMB IDIOTIC PLACE, I FEEL SUCKED UP. I WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL LIKE IN SECONDARY SCHOOL? WHY MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE THIS? WHY AM I LIKE THIS? OUT OF A SUDDEN, I FEEL MY PERSONALITY SUCKS AND ITS LIKE SHYT. YES SHYT. SHYT IS IT. IT IS SHYT. IM HELLLLL IN THIS PLACE. IT FEELS TERRIBLE TO ACCUSE YOUSELF AS A YES SHYT PERSON, BUT I CANT HELP BUT SAY THAT I SUCKED TERRIBLY. YES. SO IM SO GOING TO SLEEP. WAKE UP NEXT DAY. AND SAY SHYT AND SHYT AND SHYT AND WORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE SINGLE CRAPPY THING AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. EVERYDAY I PRAY SO HARD THAT IT WILL BE A GOOD DAY FOR ME. I TELL GOD, MAKE THE DAY A GOOD ONE. SOMETIMES HE ANSWERS MY PRAYER. SOMETIMES NOT. GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME OUT? CARVE A PATH FOR ME WHEN THERE IS NO ROAD AHEAD? OH SAVE ME.

回忆的痕迹

2009-04-20T17:34:00.002+08:00

幸福就那么一刻！

2009-04-18T00:30:00.007+08:00

我很想念你们。真的。真的。真的。
虽然相处的时间不多，过得也很快，在那几个小时，
我是开心的。开心。开心。开心。。。
你们是否也觉得如此？
你们是否也珍惜段时光?
无忧无虑的日子已不再有。
我并不后悔过去, 而是变得更加珍惜.
从前的错,请包容.
但我相信,朋友之间并没有存在什么隔阂.
什么事说开了, 久了,也会渐渐的忘掉.
偶尔提起来, 还会傻笑当初的幼稚和纯真.
纯真... 那份感动,自由自在的想法.
从前,我做什么事,都不管三七二十一,
因为年轻, 因此抱着许多冲动, 想法也单纯, 要做就做.
不要也不逼自己不开心.
人生太多的懊恼,烦恼,问题, 等着你去探索解决.
破碎的我要如何走下去, 问题在哪里?
我变了吗?... 还是我真的就是如此不被接受.
我很讨厌自己孤独一人的感觉, 现在真的很不好受.
还是我想太多,真得找不到一个和我个性相同的人.
身心疲惫,连泪都没有空.
总觉得心里很不舒服,很多话很想讲,却吞回口里.
泪也是如此.
我变得不是我自己; 我纳闷, 郁闷.
眼前的我害怕变得不像自我, 我害怕自己被吞噬.
我已躲进贝壳里,久久无法走出,我好害怕.
增经在讲道, 记得牧师的话语.
他说:" 忍耐是预备被人伤害."
可是, 我才17岁.
我承认,自己是懦弱,胆小,脆弱.
请帮我找回当初的我,那个属于我的我, 你在哪里?

可惜不是你。

2009-04-15T20:39:00.004+08:00

I've never been honest with my feelings before. Today, I shall come clean with it.
I feel I'm a slug, sticking to you.
I tried to turn things back, but I know it'll never be the same.
Because you're not the same person anymore.
Not the one that used to send the sweet messages,
the one to call me to reassure me,
the one that tells me i am the best no matter what,
the one to talk to me every night.
I know I'm holding on to something that never existed before.
Goodness, I sounds nutty but its true.
Maybe in the end, it's true, things never last forever.
But I'm still getting used to it.
I still need time to adjust because i can turn to no one to says the truth anymore.
When I need to call or sms you, I held back because the past you dont seemed to exist anymore.

It hurts to know the truth that heart changes, and yet I'm the one falling into your trap.

Am I too naive to think that you'll be hurt, but I'm the one in the end.

I don't know if I've put my feelings into it... maybe I didn't.
That's why I lost you.

可惜不是你。

CRUSHED.

2009-03-23T00:13:00.004+08:00

SHALL UPLOAD THE PHOTOS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! (:
CHEERS, AND THANKS! (:

I'M SO GONNA BE CRUSHED BECAUSE I HAVEN'T FINISH MY HOMEWORK. GOD BLESS ME! (:

& I'M SICK OF MY LIFE, WHEN THE TERMS JUST STARTS. A STUPID HEAD START! :(

As I grow older, I become boring.

2009-03-20T15:57:00.005+08:00

I'm officially 17! (:
Guess I've become more holy as a christian.
I lost and experienced ups and failures in my life which I will grow up to find them nothing.
I still hate homework, and hopefully I survive JC which I'm still hating it.
I still like my friends, every of them. (:
I'm still SHUTING.LOH
I like DELIRIOUS?!
I want to grow up to live a slack life.
I love to dream which explains the previous sentence.
I think Jesus rules.
I'm listening to 'Jesus blood '
I miss everyone, especially memories that cannot be replaced.
I prefer to stay in secondary forever, taking O level until I get all A1.
I love GOD!
I want everyone to be happy.
I want to led a joyful life because I'm afriad I might die tomorrow.
I dont want to regret life.
I want to enjoy life.
I'm thinking of tth, she reminds me of being happy.
We hold the same idea in life.
I love her.
I love sinren too.
I 'm being reminded of someone.
I've got a new illness; Everytime I think of a particular someone and sad memories, I'll fall sick.
I'm sick now. :(
I just want to be random and live life the way I want.
I've breathed oxygen for 17 years and one day.
Let's go for a celebration! (:

I just went to view the old post, and find myself ridiculously funny.
I used to post about EVERYTHING!
From a small insect found in the toilet to my breakfast to gathering to dramas I've watched to random stuff we did in school to random gathering to random feelings to teachers i hated to miss teng lessons to horrible music lessons to lame school outings to Christmas celebration to me supporting gays to about my weird dreams to earth day to some random young boy that committed suicide and etc...
OH YES! I find I'm getting more boring as I grow older.
Go view my old posts NOW! (:
Thanks for the birthday wishes!

I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!

2009-03-08T22:37:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but I'm having bad experience.
I don't want to go to school...
I t;s hurting me from the inside out, &
I'm getting used to it already.

Thinking Of You.

2009-03-04T22:10:00.002+08:00

I guess it's so painful that I don't ever want to jump into it again, not anymore.
The art of losing myself, I cant control myself anymore.

I'm so lost, losing in faith in everything.

God; teach me how to hold on to that same passion you once taught me.
Bring back myself, I don't even remember how to shed a tear. I cant wait to encounter you.

DARLING THE BEST! (:

2009-03-01T22:35:00.007+08:00

280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.

280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.280209.

SINREN WANTS TO RIDE ON THIS! OMG I'M WORRYING FOR CHIJIE'S LIFE! HAHAHA!

:)LOVES

SINREN IS THE BEST! (: WE SPEND THE PRECIOUS SATURDAY TOGETHER! HOW I MISS OUR FRIDAY MEET-UP! GET TOGETHER, CHILL OUT, SLACK, DINE-OUT, SHOPPING, K-BOX! LIFE IS SO MEANINGFUL! :) OK NOW I HAVE TO GET USED WITHOUT HAVING ALL THESE SINFUL INDULGES! AND GET REAL! MY GREATEST LOVE EVERRR! I DEFINITELY MISS YOU LOADS! :( WE WENT CLARKE QUAY, GET RANDOM AND GET HAPPY! FINALLY I'M BACK TO MY REAL SIDE WHENEVER I'M WITH HER!:)

SHOO LIFELESS CREEP! I H U. Though I might sounds bad, a sinner or etc... I think I'm disliking you in my life. I'm not a hypocrite, I hate you! :X

OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(
OH GOD! SAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO! :(

moving on.

2009-02-28T09:41:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for 09 to end and guess what I'm turning 17!
17. 17. 17.
My sweet 16 is soon gone, and I don't see why it's called sweet 16 when we're so occupied with O levels.
Same here for my 17! Maybe as life past, birthday don't seemed to make a significant anymore.
During my younger days, I would countdown to my birthday, look forward to the day when my parents promised they won't scold me even if I did something wrong or misbehave.
As we grow up, my perspective change and I realised Life is nothing but a CHORE!
I guess it's because we tend to forget our sadness quickly in the past. But as we changes, we remember the sadness in our heart... we magnify, enlarge it so that they become engrave in our hearts to hide the happiness we used to have.

Just like how 16 will pass, 17, 18, 19, 20... ... .
I wished I can find back the happiness I used to hold, the purity & youth we all hold in our hearts.

How can I grab them back? It's the form of happiness I once held on to.
I can't feel it anymore.
Melancholy is filling my life.
I just want fun... watch all the movies I like without worrying how it would affect my studies, go shopping when I have a test the next day. Go chill out and live my life how I want it to be.

2009-02-25T21:56:00.001+08:00

change.

2009-02-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

Put it in a simple way- I miss everyone.
It's hard to accept reality, and adapting to everything unfamiliar again.
Back to secondary1, back to primary one, back to kindergarden.
Honestly, I don't know if I had ever made any right decision in my life.
Whenever I look back, I think I was stupid and naive.
Everything happened fast, and I thought what I did was so wrong.
And it definitely was.
I lost my passion. passion for life.
I don't think I'm happy.
Every night, I ask myself, did i make the right decision.
Even if I did change, would I ever regret.

如果说了后悔，是不是一切就能倒退？
回忆多么美，我就多么狼狈。
我想终究有一天，我还是会说：我后悔了！
谁能告诉我该这么做。。。彷徨，无助。
我们到最后还是要回到原点，发现后才明白你没那么爱我。
而我知道。。。你口中的永远就是结束的开始。

JC!

2009-02-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

After like a zillion years, i finally blogged again. (:
But it's only for self-entertainment purpose i guess?
Orientation starts officially today! and it's time to know your class people!
Everyone in my class take H2CLL, so most of them are from china.
ROAR, I'm so gona hate GP. OK roar actually reminded me that I'm actually in ALEX!
Our ROAR sounds really funny and low, not that kind of ROAR ALEX will sound!
By the way, some great friends to make. Apparently, our class only has like 21 people or so... well so no way you're not going to know people in your class!
Awww, I kind of miss people from cchy! Those kind of slacking days ... just memories to keep with me.

*CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T23:16:00.004+08:00

CHRISTMAS! (: with my favourite girls!

thank you for all these!

突然好想你。

2008-11-28T17:28:00.010+08:00

突然好想你。

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲變成兩部悲傷的電影

為什麼你帶我走過最難忘的旅行

然後留下最痛的紀念品

最怕此生已經決心自己過沒有你

卻又突然聽到你的消息。

RED CAMP!

2008-11-22T15:42:00.002+08:00

:) centurions rules! Hop night was totally AWESOME! (:
Yes, I definitely enjoyed the night with everyone! woohoo!
Dance like MAAAAAD! Juetong is very cute! ^^
Shall upload those pictures sometimes else! (:
Finally a peaceful day at home after going out everyday.
I'm tiring out myself!

CENTURIONS, you dont understand why we put our hands up in the AYER AYER! (:

.i miss you.

2008-11-01T17:44:00.002+08:00

I miss my grandfather alot, alot, alot.
I feel so sorry for not visiting him when im only a few steps away.
It was a long night.
He left peacefully with the love from us.
I'm sure he has gone to heaven, watching over us.
I hope he lives well there.
I still miss him alot.

there isn't a goal.

2008-09-23T19:36:00.003+08:00

I don't want to miss a thing.
Honey, can you convince me that you are worth liking?
I feel myself swimming aimlessly, just like nemo.
I know how you feel, but how much I'm so uncertain.
:( sometimes!

:(

2008-09-21T16:36:00.002+08:00

nobody's HOME. :(
i hate home now, everyone is forever running away.
so damn irritating.
Does anyone even feels like coming back?
Damn it.
Nobody's really care how lonely and empty this house is.

-

2008-09-14T14:33:00.001+08:00

I'm dating chemistry.

:(((((

2008-09-07T16:04:00.001+08:00

School is reopening in 13 hours 55 minutes.
Awful timing.

痛

2008-08-28T22:14:00.005+08:00

当人生走到一个阶段，你会不会回头。

看看走过来的路, 你经历过的一切。

是谁在一旁扶持你, 鼓励，守护着你。

你的笑，泪，痛，和一切的一切。

站在世界的尽头，你看得到一切吗？

今天，我发现自己很可悲。。。

不知何故，静静的，静静的，

我把自己锁起来，锁在一个没有喧闹的世界里。

忍耐已久的泪水都有说不完的痛。

该流的都流了。

最后，痛也是自己。

其实，我比谁都懦弱。

下雨天

2008-08-23T15:01:00.001+08:00

下雨天了怎么办
我好想你不敢打给你
我找不到原因什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉沉默的场景
做你的代替
陪我等雨停
期待让人越来越沉溺
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪
一个人好累怎样的雨
怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念雨要多大
天要多黑才能够有你的体贴其实
没有我你分不清那些
差别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉
期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪
一个人好累怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不清那些
差别接近还能多一些别说你会难过
别说你想改变被爱的人不用道歉
怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不清那些差别
接近还能多一些别说你会难过别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

偶然

2008-08-16T17:30:00.003+08:00

偶然。

徐志摩追求着爱，自由，美，但都难实现。
他对于爱情抱着许多憧憬，可惜他身处在战争时代。
徐志摩对于爱情秉持着可有可无的心态。他认为很多事都可遇不可求，可及而不可留。人对于爱情终是了解得越深，感情也陷入得越深。因此，他认为人们应该得知不喜，失之不悲，随遇而安。但是，他真的如此潇洒吗？他能把感情看得可有可无吗?
心中既然追求着爱，自由，美, 对很多事都怀着深深的眷恋. 执著的追求,却改变不了事实,只得接受事实. 心中的失落感是无法避免. 诗人虽然有憧憬, 却无法摆脱一丝淡淡的哀伤. 人必须拿得起,放得下, 不必为短暂的相逢而应起过大的心灵震动.
诗人提到 '' 你记得也好, 最好你忘记.'' 表现出他对对方的尊重, 理解, 洒脱,豁达.

分析:
诗人把自己比喻成云,那么偶然的相遇, 却那么不确定.
偶然的相遇带来惊奇和欣喜.
云彩很快就会掠过, 消失.
很多事都是偶然.
有缘千里来相会,
重逢离别, 生于死, 都是一瞬间的事.
我们都不应该为短暂的相逢而引起过大的心灵震动.
我们始终都必须个分东西, 要离别...
偶然的邂逅, 擦身而过.
记住美好的往事, 最好--- 忘记. :(

Feels like tonight.

2008-08-14T19:51:00.002+08:00

no definition.
demoralized, distraught.
I feel as if I'm dying.
Failure has been appointed on me.
Nothing could ever change.
I tried, but to nothing.
Where is everyone, where is god.
I think i needed to get away,
to somewhere far, to somewhere I know myself.
Maybe it's too far, it's too near.
Yesterday is too near, tomorrow is too far.
you'll just need to stop and stare.
I cant find myself.
My breathe is taking over me, every minute,
every single seconds.
Why do we have to go through such arduous process.
Can we just die, and live all over again like a baby,
go to heaven, live by the beach, watch the sunset falls every day.
watch time pass, watch everything goes by.
all we need is not you.

原諒我

2008-08-12T18:13:00.003+08:00

其实，什么话都不必说。

把沉默当作交流。

抱歉太沉重，

是你没说过，还是我听错。

爱错还是没有爱过来得痛。

这个故事叫做错。。。

徐志摩增经追求着爱，自由，美。

命运太残酷，时间太现实。

可遇不可求，可及而不可留。

偶然的相遇就如美丽的邂逅，

人往往只能把这个故事放在心里。

再美，还是有结局。。。

WEEKENDS! woohoos :D

2008-08-09T11:02:00.003+08:00

I wished you. were here/奋不顾身的爱着你。

_________________________________________________________

It's a pretty long weekend to wind out!
FRIDAY/SATURDAY/SUNDAY/MONDAY!
It's national day, thus it gives everyone an excuse to celebrate.
Maybe only me.
On Thursday, we stayed back for physics to act as calefare.
That's a very strong statement made by jaslin, but I totally agree.
We stayed back just to make it feel like a class.
Mr L is always that biased, he never care for the feelings of others.
It seemed that he is the center of the world, and our feelings are not in the least concern in his eyes.
On Friday, its the celebration of National Day. The bazaar was quite a success?
I spent money, donated to the school. Fullstop. :)
It was fun and enjoyable! Enjoyed myself all the way.
In the night, celebrated jasmine birthday!
I think I used up my energy at the bazaar, that I fell asleep there! :(

Today is NATIONAL DAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
please give me more money!

05/08/08

2008-08-05T18:02:00.002+08:00

THEME-LESS!
OUCH! I'm LATE today!---
awesomely late! :) I don't meant to, cant help but sleep longer!
Anyway, that's not the main point!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WEIYING & JOYCE! :)
& I'm BROKE! :) but it's okay!
HO HO! Life has been a wreckage.
Nonetheless, I'm going to live on to see my O level results.
:) OK honey, you are a mess in my heart!

MY 5 STAR DAY!

2008-07-26T18:52:00.002+08:00

5-STAR DAY!
(: hehe, today is indeed an ultra-5-star day!
Everything goes really well!
Except that damn incident, leaving me to vomit my fish'0'le and milo out!
:(, I didn't know i can be traumatized by such incident.
This made me realized I cannot marry someone violent! :(((
ANYWAY! TODAY IS REALLY DAMN GOOD!
I MEAN RIGHT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
I WAS REALLY HIGH, THEN I WANTED TO CHECK IF MY HOROSCOPE WERE REAL!
OK, IT TURNS OUT TO BE DAMN TRUE!!! (: HAPPY!

things i cant stand!

2008-07-23T21:25:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the very 16th BIRTHDAY OF TTH! (:
I shall remember the classic words from her mouth- ALWAYS!
Hoped you enjoy your day!

Today, the 23rd of JULY, marks the day I receive my E8 chemistry paper.
Even though it pricks my heart to know I actually failed for this paper, I understand very well from the bottom of my heart that I was the one to bring this uncanny result upon myself. :(
For other results, its really below average.
That;s not the main point of today.

Dragging with us a heavy heart, Meixi, Tth and I went according to plan to catch a movie to steer our attention away from our piteous results. We decided to catch 'THE DARK KNIGHT'!
I'll rate maybe 7/10!
It's not too bad actually except a not-too-high-climax, somewhat lesser fighting scenes than expected. Too much emotions stirring around the movie.
I ADORE the JOKER! (:
HIS ULTRA COOL I SWEAR!
He can easily outdo batman but of course hero always win!
Everyone wants a happy ending right!
Who would expect to watch batman die in the end while the evil regimes the state!?! I bet everyone would be criticizing like mad!

While I was walking home, I really cant stand all the working people rushing home as if their house is on fire! Maybe I'm too young to understand why they are doing so, I just feel life is about slowing down. It really annoys me as I stroll down to the exit. I'm just afraid of falling into the traps of life too, just like all of them. Falling into the 9-5 work. I find it boring, monotonous.
Second incident: People that jay-walk pisses me off. Even though sometimes I do that at the road in front of my tuition place, but I swear the traffic light is well not functioning that well! Here it goes, I was crossing this busy road, and people just can't to wait a second to cross that damn road. This car is speeding towards us, and they just walk like their great grandfather own this road. What's so important that you cannot wait for that few seconds, and rather risk yourself being crushed to bits. GOODNESS! Time is money, i know. How much can a few seconds bring. If you are rushing because your relatives are maybe in emergency, i forgive. But if you are rushing because, the 4D booth is closing down in minutes. Three words for you- GO AND DIE!

A/B

2008-07-19T23:32:00.002+08:00

A/B people cannot be together. :(
Fact/fiction.
She/will/be/loved.

Maybe its a habit to receive your greetings everyday.
I take it for granted, but when it stopped for 24 hour.
I know how hard it is to quit drug.
But you're not my addiction anymore.
You're a B!
B-ASTARD
B-ROKE
B-ITCHY?
B-ULLSHIT
Well, I realised its really nothing much.
You mentioned that F relationship before.
I was too perplexed myself.
You;re just a small potion of my heart.
& i think I'm removing it.
But can a heart live with a missing part?
Time says it will grow.
And God tells me it will.
So I believe it.

do you know what;s on my mind?

2008-07-12T21:57:00.001+08:00

I think I could like you

I already do

Feelings can grow but

They can go away too

You're takin my hand

Lookin into my eyes

Don't be in a rush to

Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin

Could this be a spark?

To satisfy me baby

Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

I think I could like you

But I keep holding back

Cause I can't seem to tell

If you're fiction or fact

Show me you can laugh

Show me you can cry

Show me who you really are

Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?

Could this be for real?

I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Bring me some flowers

Conversation for hours

To see if we really connect

And baby if we do

Ooh i'll be givin all my love to you

Ohh

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

PRELIM!

2008-07-06T20:07:00.001+08:00

SHUTING! (: JIAYOU!

A day that sucked from the inside.

2008-06-18T21:51:00.002+08:00

DOOMSDAY! :(
I feel really really demoralized.
No motivation to do whatever is needed.
Lie there while my heart rots.
Maybe its the rain.
No, I'm deciving myself!
RAH! :(
I feel like crying all the way!
I have no mood for everything;
everything single thing in my life!
How can i wake up, and believe its another good day!
I feel my eyes dried up like sand.
I cannot bring myself into believing myself.
I eat when I'm unhappy.
I hope I'm not turning into KungFu Panda! :(
HMMMM...
& it sucks.
I dont know what is happening to me!
GOD HELP ME! :(

i hope tomorrow will be alright!

2008-06-15T23:26:00.003+08:00

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
TOMORROW IS THE CELEBRATION FOR JENNY!
Even though I'm not that close with her, and sometimes find her straight.
At least, she is not snob but someone funny.
I hope everything goes well, even though I feel that it would somehow come out abit spoilt.
Nonetheless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER & hope I would enjoy myself at sentosa!
SNIFF SNIFF! I've sort of recovered! FINALLY!

Anyway, I feel a bad omen.
Nevermind, shall dismiss this bad feeling!
Maybe I'm thinking too much...
& I think it hurts.

Hey baby, there is shorter time we can see each other.
And ... time never waits.
There is somehow too much barrier.

YOUR TIGER FATHER!

KNIFE-HOLDING MOTHER

restricted idiotic curfew(10 pathetic sms per day),

& you don't know what to talk to me.( its driving me nuts! )

[一样lo...]

You summarise your whole 5-day malaysia trip into 3 chinese character for me!

Well ... i wonder how long can my heart hold out for you.

SICK! :(

2008-06-12T19:14:00.002+08:00

SHOPPING! :) retail therapy!
During the past 2 days, I went shopping with my sweetheart! :)

Then some really funny happened.

We were shopping at heeren, then a girl came out to offer a free haircut.

I jumped upon this chance! :)

That's something really random.

But it seemed that I have fallen sick!

I'm down with a flu and sorethroat! :(

& I have to hmm put up with the stuff of organising jenny's birthday party.

NO, is putting up with ........ someone.

We are tolerant enough!

Now thanks to you, this has become a difficult task.

Everyone starts to avoid this and that.

Things can never seemed to be done!

NO! i mustnt let her look down on myself!

Nor let that ..... look down on me!

I'm really not feeling well, and yesterday someone made me really sad!

Since hubby is back! woohoo! he's bored as ever.

He said he almost died at korea.

Hmm, thank god he's alive.

misc.

2008-06-08T14:43:00.001+08:00

OH BITCH, JUST SHUTUP!
rotten&full of maggots.

NINE IN THE AFTERNOON.

2008-06-08T14:33:00.002+08:00

It's nine in the afternoon! :)

It doesn't make sense! but I like it!

THE TING TINGS!

2008-06-06T22:44:00.008+08:00

THE TING TINGS

THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

ARE YOU CALLING ME DARLING!? :)

I like her style!:)

BREAKING FREE!

2008-06-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

Today, I mustered courage to handed you the thing I made.
I hope you liked it.
For some reasons, it seemed that fate keeps pulling us together.
Unlikes poles attract.
:)

FINALLY THE END OF THE TORTUROUS 2-WEEK EXTENSION!
It's lesson extension, not any hair extension! :(
I did benefit from this extension programme, but I feel not all lesson are very beneficial or helpful.
Report card was returned back to us.
It was uhmmm disappointing to some extent.
Some subjects which I worked hard for didn't really come out as what I expected it to be.
At least I'm happy for chemistry and my combined humanities. :)
Never mind, I'm going to work hard for myself!
After all, it's my own idiot marks and it reflects on myself not anyone else!
Even though I really need to curse this damn education system which undermines our confidence level.
I'm back to my childish blogging! >
OKAY'S! I got loads to say.

Right now, I'm rocking out The Ting Tings!

THATS NOT MY NAME!

ARE YOU CALLING ME, DARLING?

:)

magical.feelings

2011.

Eating old grass.

500 DAYS OF SUMMER!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUFENG! :D

Random thoughts!

1_2/11/09

RAINY DAYS!

<3

When we make decisions, ...

Should I QUIT?

Am I Ready?

XOXO!

School's a torture!

:D

0915!

Not In School!

My Life Would Suck Without You!

Forgetting...

150909

Reflections upon my Life!

LOVE DRUNK; Is it TRUE?

TWITTER-

revenge!

:(

Missing Church Sermon

LIVE FOREVER /.OASIS

In a state of Denial, ...

When You Were Young- The Killers

A post dedicated to One-And-Only SINREN.

温柔。五月天。

INFATUATION_!

:) SCHOOL!

"Does Anybody Hear Her"

.

Did I fail myself, or did the world fail me?

dailydevotion never fails me

the Lord showing the way...

Leading a christian life...

I guess I'm just TIRED!

曹格- Supermarket 超級市場

Being Single, ...

i wonder how, i wondered why...

SINFUL BLOG POST!

SAVE ME! :(

Psalm 69:29

GETTING ON WITH LIFE!

it's been awhile...

Always Forever! =D

:) blessed is ME!

LALA POST! :) hate it when it's long!

PHOTOS!

love quote!

sometimes this is the way life works.

WORRY will steal away our HAPPINESS!

SHES FEELING HAPPY!

LOSER!

THE STAND! JESUS!

回忆变成风， 停在心里的最深处。

全世界都停电.

24/04/09: DEAD AND GONE!

回忆的痕迹

幸福就那么一刻！

可惜不是你。

CRUSHED.

As I grow older, I become boring.

I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!

Thinking Of You.

DARLING THE BEST! (:

moving on.

change.

JC!

*CHRISTMAS!

突然好想你。

突然好想你。

RED CAMP!

.i miss you.

there isn't a goal.

:(

-

回忆变成风，停在心里的最深处。